The Somatic Wisdom of My Daughter’s Dental Surgery

When my daughter recently had a dental procedure under general anesthesia, I witnessed something profound about the body’s innate wisdom. When she came back “online,” as the anesthesiologist put it, she was deeply distraught — screaming, kicking, sobbing — and clearly not okay. In that moment, she didn’t need my words; she needed me.

It became a vivid reminder of the power of somatic care and nervous system co-regulation. My daughter and I weren’t talking — she was incoherent and disoriented — but our bodies were communicating in a deep, instinctive dialogue. My nervous system was speaking to hers in every way I knew how, as a polyvagal-informed, somatic therapist.

The good news? It worked.

Step One: Regulate Yourself First

The first thing I did had nothing to do with her. When the front office staff asked me to sign paperwork, I calmly said I needed to see my daughter right away and would handle the forms later.

This may seem minor, but it reflects a powerful shift in nervous system awareness. When we zoom out to observe our own patterns — who, when, and how our attention gets spent — we begin to see our conditioned responses at play. Often, we think we’re acting in real time, but our body is actually responding to neuroception, somatic memory, and past experiences.

Once we recognize this, we can start to work with it.

How I Rewired My “Do Something” Pattern

Earlier in my life, I managed anxiety by doing stuff — completing the task first, even when my partner or kids were asking for my attention. It felt automatic. I valued connection, yet my nervous system prioritized action. There was a dissonance between my values and my body’s conditioned response.

Through somatic awareness and practice, I learned to pause. Using pattern interruption (what DBT calls opposite action) and values-based cues, I began retraining my nervous system.

I practiced putting my email away when my kids asked for attention. I left the dishes undone to help with bedtime transitions. Each act was a small but powerful repatterning — choosing connection over my anxiety’s conditioned response.

As my system learned safety in the unfinished, things didn’t fall apart. Even when my anxiety was there it did not have to drive the bus. My presence with myself and my family deepened, and my actions became more aligned with my values. So, at the dentist’s office that day, when the receptionist approached, it was easy to choose what mattered most: my daughter.

A Reflection: How Do You Use Your “Doing” Energy?

Take a moment to notice your own patterns.

Are you “doing” because of anxiety? Because of activation? Because of compulsion? Or because you’re seeking connection?

Your body will show you the answer. When it does, listen. Your biology isn’t your enemy — it’s been protecting you your whole life. Begin to notice how you’ve protected yourself over the years and how those protective strategies might still shape your life.

Once you see a pattern, you can hold yourself in more compassion and reclaim your power to choose.

The Gift of Somatically Responsive Attention

In that recovery room, my daughter didn’t need explanations — she needed attuned presence. She needed coregulation.

So I picked her up and held her to my chest. I let our heartbeats meet. I rocked her gently, humming, vooo-ing, exhaling audibly. I matched her activation — moving more when she got louder — without trying to fix or overly quiet her.

I didn’t deny her experience or need her to be different. I didn’t try to explain. Just like an infant, she needed another regulated human who could match her energy and guide her nervous system back to safety.

In this sense, we are all animals first.

When Talking Isn’t Enough

Lately, so many clients and friends have told me they feel “talked out.” Some of the smartest, kindest people I know are simply exhausted with explaining and analyzing. I get it — and I understand why. Our talking brain is not always where we need to be held and healed, especially when we carry, as Hafiz calls them, “wounds of love.” Our bodies need to be included in the conversation.

In traditional talk therapy, words can be powerful –  but only when our nervous system feels safe enough to process them. The clarity that comes from knowing can be life-altering –  but only when we are able to integrate and embody this wisdom. In my experience, this is why therapy often needs to tend to more than just the mind. The truth is: We don’t always need words. We need nervous-system recognition. True healing happens when we move from head into our body, from analysis into embodiment. 

Coming Home to the Body

Somatic therapy helps us reconnect with our essential being. It takes the emphasis off our minds and moves us into a richer, more organic, field of knowing: our bodies. Our bodies were our original home, before social conditioning taught us to look outwards or ‘use our head.’ As babies (like my anesthetized daughter), we instinctively yearned for regulation through breath, touch, and presence. Reclaiming that connection is how we return to ourselves.

Hafiz wrote, “Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.” Our protective states need more than words to feel safe. They need embodied presence, attunement, and coregulation. This is how we begin to live in better conditions. This is our way home.

I truly love this work and I have experienced for myself that it works. I am here to help. Ready to find out more? Let’s chat.